I'm not having a good week.
So far, my laptop has suffered from a hard disk failure and my desktop computer at home seems to be going through a mid-life crisis and will only show me a GRUB command line when I switch it on. To those of you who don't speak computer, that basically means "A Big Pain in the Ass".
*sigh*
Added to which, I've just been roped into working on a big legal project at work which I have been trying to avoid like the plague for the past few months. But they finally caught me. And that makes me sad. 
But what's really annoying me this week is this: jeans. Specifically, skinny jeans. Like these:
I went shopping for jeans last Friday. I went to the Manchester Shopping Mecca (a.k.a. The Trafford Center) with the sole intention of purchasing a new pair of jeans. I was willing to spend a bit of money, for I have finally come to the realisation that there is a BIG difference between buying a cheap pair of jeans that just... don't... seem... to fit... right, and spending a bit more money on good quality jeans that fit perfectly.
The Trafford Center is disgustingly incredible. It's what ancient Rome would have looked like if Las Vegas puked all over it. And threw some palm trees in for good luck. It's all marble pillars and neon signs and just incredibly, beautifully, headache-inducingly tacky. I love it. But I can only go there about three times a year or otherwise my credit card starts sobbing. As does my boyfriend. And my feet.
Anyhoo, I started at one end of the mall and systematically worked my way through each shop, looking for a pair of jeans. And I discovered that apparantly we're only allowed wear skinny jeans now, for clothing manufacturers have decided that any other type of jean is just crap, and we have to do what the clothing manufacturers tell us because it's the law.
Every bloody shop I went in to just had row after row of these stupid skinny jeans. Oh sure, each row varied slightly - here's one with high waisted jeans (who wears these? Seriously?), here's one with ultra-low rise jeans, here's one with jeans made of velcro or something that looks slightly wet so you look like you're wearing leather trousers but guess what? You're not! But all the jeans were skinny - not a boot cut in sight.
Now, I don't like skinny jeans. At all. Partly because, unless you're borderline anorexic, skinny jeans make you look fat. They're one of the most unforgiving items of clothing I've ever seen, and unfortunately, I've seen a lot of unforgiving clothes. They just make people look unbalanced, like they've got huge bodies and little chicken legs. Unless, of course, you're anorexic in which case you simply look like a beanpole.
But more than this, I hate skinny jeans because anyone who wears them looks like they're trying to imitate that skanky crack whore Kate Moss. Kate Moss has ruined fashion for me. Everything she wears immediately turns into "This Season's Must Have!!!" and suddenly the streets are lined with clone after clone, dressed in skinny jeans and vest, with manky hair, bad eyeliner and a junkie boyfriend hanging out of their shoulder.
Why is this woman being hailed as a fashion icon when, as a matter of fact, all she does is wear a variation of the same bloody thing every day?
Anyhoo, I've ranted about this before so I'm not going to do it again. Suffice to say that Kate Moss has ruined so many items of clothing. Want to wear a waistcoat? Can't - you'll just look like a Kate Moss wannabe. Want to wear a minidress? Can't - you'll just look like a Kate Moss wannabe. Want to wear wellies at a festival? Can't - you'll just look like a Kate Moss wannabe.
And other such annoyances.
So, back to the original story which was... oh yes, jeans. As I may have mentioned, I don't like skinny jeans. I much prefer bootcut jeans. They suit every body shape, they feel good, they look good and they look even better with heels. What's not to like? But I literally could not believe my eyes on Friday night. Every single shop I went to seemed to sell only skinny jeans. Topshop used to have a great range of jeans called Moto, but these now only come in the skinny variety. I went to Levi's, but the only jeans they had that weren't skinny were those weird engineered things that look like you're wearing them backwards and that really aren't comfortable.
I even went to Miss Sixty. I clung tightly onto my wallet to try to stop my credit card from shrieking like an idiot and proceeded to try on pair after pair of jeans that cost upwards of £150. And I was prepared to buy them if they looked nice! Honest! And I have a major, MAJOR problem with paying that much money for ANY item of clothing, let alone a pair of jeans. But I was willing to do it, if they had nice jeans.
Luckily for me they didn't. Even their so-called bootcut jeans were suspiciously skinny-like, making my legs look all weird and shrunken (I don't know why but skinny jeans make my legs look short, even though they're actually fairly long). I was beginning to think I'd have to just buy a tracksuit and live in that instead.
And then I remembered that last bastion of good jeans - the Gap. Now, most clothes at the Gap are way too preppy for me, and as such I never shop there. But I remember buying a fantastic pair of jeans there a few years ago, which I still wear and love and which seem to get better with age, and so I thought I'd give it a try. I walked through the door (thankfully absent was the perky sales clerk who just really, really wants to help you - that shit don't go down in Manchester), and made my way to the jeans section. My heart sank. Right in front of me, flipping the bird and sticking it's tongue out at me was a big pile of skinny jeans.
I fell to my knees, raised my fist and my face skywards and shouted "Nooooooooooooooooooo! Not you too! Not the Gap!!!"
Actually, come to think of it, what I did instead was turn on my heel and made to march out, disgusted. And then I saw them. Tucked away in the corner. Bootcut jeans. Proper actual bootcut jeans! And there was much rejoicing!
I tried them on and they were perfect! I'm in love with them. I was tempted to buy ten pairs right there and then, but then regained my composure and pranced up to the till with my treasure. And as soon as I get paid on Monday I'm going to go back and buy another pair.
Gap - I should never have doubted you. I heart you.
And thus ended another successful adventure.
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