How to avoid getting dumped

It's quite simple really - you make sure you dump them before they dump you. Sounds trivial, sounds trite, but it feels GREAT!

I started "dating" (for want of a better word) eleven years ago, and I have only been dumped once. And, before some smart arse says it, this is not because I've only had one boyfriend, nor is it because I have the attention span of a magpie flitting from one shiny relationship to another. And, contrary to popular belief, it's not because I'm the World's Best Girlfriend and no one ever wants to dump me either. Although, I'm not far off winning that title, heheh.

Rather it's because whenever a relationship has turned sour for me, I've gotten the frick out of there. Oh yes, I'm a regular ol' heartbreaker, me.

Admittedly, I won't just run at the first time of trouble. I will stick around for a while, to see if the relationship can be salvaged, because I belive that people are far too quick to give up on love nowdays, and would rather Get The Frick Out (GTFO) than actually put in a bit of work. But, if it becomes obvious to me that it's over, then I'm gone.

And, as a result, I've only ever been dumped once, and that's because I didn't see it coming and Mr. McBastard got in there before me. Not that I'm bitter

So, how do you know when the relationship is over? How do you know that it's time to do a swift one and run for the hills? I think a handful of C++ statements can tell us the answer to these dilemmas:

if (good times > bad times) {

happy days ;
}

if (good times == bad times) {

work on it;

}

if (bad times > good times) {

GTFO;

}

Simple, no? For the uninitiated, this translates as:

If the good times outweigh the bad times, then all is well.

If there are as many good times as bad times, then you need to work on it to make it better.

If the bad times outweigh the good times, then Get The Frick Out.

And that, my lovelies, is the secret to my success.

Too many people bitch and moan about their relationships and their partners. Hell, I've done it myself on more than one occasion. And most of the time, this is not a problem. It's normal to have a little complain every now and then about your other half. There's nothing wrong with having a bit of a bitching session on the phone to your friend about how he never puts the toilet seat down or about how she never washes up after dinner, or whatever. You bitch about it, you make sweeping generalisations about the uselessness of the opposite sex, you feel better about it all and you move on. All's good.

It becomes problematic, however, when you're ALWAYS bitching about your other half. And it doesn't matter what you're saying about them - whether they're trivial little matters such as hanging up wet towels before they get stinky or big issues about how they never want to have children and you do. If you're constantly bitching about your other half, and you never have anything good to say about them, then you've got problems. And you need to sort that out.

If you're constantly being negative about the person who's bed you're sharing; if you always feel like second best; if you have nothing to talk about with them anymore; if spending time in one another's company is slightly less appealing than having your fingernails pulled off one-by-one and your eyes gouged out with a spoon, then you've got problems.

If your other half makes you feel worthless; if you find yourself nagging them all the time; if you think you can't trust them; or if you just wake up some day and look at them and can't think of a single reason why you like them, nor why you ever thought you loved them in the first place, then you've got problems.

And you need to GTFO.

That's not to say you should expect perfection in every relationship. Nobody's perfect. Not even you. There has to be some element of compromise for a relationship to work. It continually amazes me that there are so many people out there who don't realise this. Relationships are about give and take. You need both for the relationship to survive. You have to be prepared to be give in every now and then; to acquiesce to the other person needs, wants or desires, and not be a bossy boots. And, likewise, you need to take from the relationship too; to stand your ground and defend your own needs, wants and desires, and not be a doormat. There's a delicate balance that, once struck, makes for a beautiful relationship.

But, at the end of the day, if you're unhappy more often than you are happy in your relationship, then you need to GTFO. Remember that you're far, far better off being on your own than being in a relationship that makes you unhappy. More importantly, remember that there is plenty more flesh on the streets.

Having said that, before you go, make at least one attempt to talk about it. Make an attempt to sit down, without alcohol if possible becuase all that does is cloud the issues and raise the tempers, and talk about what's bothering you. Don't be argumentative, don't try to place blame. Simply tell your other half how you're feeling and try to work out a way of resolving that issue. Of course, if your other half won't make the time to sit down with you, or tells you you're talking shite, then that's a big bloody sign right there, isn't it?

The one thing I've learned from every relationship I've been in is that, if you're not prepared to put the work in, then it's not going to last. Equally, I've also learned to stand my ground, and not to put up with anything that makes me unhappy. Ok, that's two things I've learned.

I don't regret a single relationship I've ever had, even the bad ones, because I've learned something from all of them. I've finally reached the stage where I know what I want from a relationship; I know what I'm willing to put up with, I know what I'm NOT willing to put up with, and I know when I'm lucky to have found the right person for me.