What do I blame them for? My current confusion with life.
Why do I blame them? Well, let me tell you!
1. The Spice Girls:
I think I was about 17 when I first heard "Wannabe" and, even though it was absoute crap, it sort of inspired me too. It was the summer before university, and suddenly all the tv shows, newspapers, radio stations and magazines were full of "Girl Power"! Yeah! And, me being the naive, shy little idiot that I was back then (I'm much more sophisticated, learned and cynical now), I bought it. Not the single. I mean that I bought into the whole Girl Power thing.
I thought "Here are these five great, fun, fearless, sexy women, who do what they want, when they want! Hey! I could do that too, if I dressed like a slut!" Well, I didn't dress like a slut, but I did become a lot more confident in myself and my abilities, and thought that if the Spice Girls can rule the world, then so can I, damnit! And, I don't think I'm incorrect in saying that many girls felt the same.
So what went wrong? Well, look at them now. Posh Spice - the most miserable looking bitch on the planet. Someone give her a pie before her elbow pokes your eye out! It seems that the thinner she gets, the bigger her pout and sunglasses get. Silly cow.
Look at Geri, a.k.a. Ginger Spice - I'm fat, I'm skinny, I do yoga, I don't. I eat pies, I throw up. I'm Robbie's girlfriend. No, I'm his fag hag. I got pregnant by some bloke and now Posh is my friend again 'cause she looks even skinnier beside me. I've got a face like I'm chewing a wasp. I'm ginger (need I say more?)
And the rest of them, whatever their names are... So, what does Girl Power get you? Zip! Diddly squat! Nada! Maybe a few more pounds in the bank, and a few less on the hips, but ultimately, it gives you the impression that being a woman sucks.
2. Heat magazine:
The glossy pages! The make-up and hair tips! The "celebs without their makup" photos! The fact if you lose a few pounds you're suddenly in the "eat or die!!!" category, and yet they still can't give poor Michelle McManus a break, and keep urging her to "just lose those few love handles, pet. Put down the pie. There's a good girl."
So... are we supposed to be fat or thin? What is the ideal, the 'norm'? Charlotte Church? But then you always print photographs of her with a bit of a tummy, and make snide remarks. Kelly Brook? But she's got enormous boobs, and the rest of her is just a bit too skinny. She's like Dolly Parton, only taller.
Why print shock-horror skinny celeb pics one week, and then a diet plan the next? WHY, HEAT MAGAZINE? WHY??!?!
I'm confused...
3. Nicole Richie:
I blame Nicole because, despite the fact that she looks like she's going to snap in half any minute now, part of me still admires her for her damn willpower! I'm convinced she's got anti-eating mantras sellotaped to the inside of her ridiculously over-sized glasses. She makes starvation glamourous. She makes me feel that, if only I tried a bit harder I too could be celeb-thin and have fabulous clothes and be in a Jimmy Choo ad campaign. I mean, they've hardly hired her for her figure or looks, so it must be because of her profesionalism - she's lost weight like a pro.
And, I hate her because she keeps insisting on lying to us about eating sandwiches and chips and things. Don't lie, Nicole! Lies make Baby Jesus cry!
oOo
All in all, between the Spice Girls, Heat magazine and Nicole Richie, I don't know what I should be doing with myself. Should I be ambitious and fearless? If I do, will I end up miserable like Posh & Geri? Should I be skinny or fat? How can I tell which is which these days? Should I starve myself like Nicole in order to get what I want? If I do, won't I... I dunno.... die? In about 5 years? From malnutrition?
Hmm.... Perhaps I should stop plugging into the mass media, and go read some Dickens or something...
No comments:
Post a Comment