In preparation for the bikini season, The Maori® has decided to put me on a strict diet & exercise regime for a couple of weeks, starting tomorrow. Thus, today will be my last opportunity to indulge in food that actually tastes of something other than bland, and all the other nice things in life, like alcohol and coffee.
Food is a touchy subject these days. There's such a glut of information about calories, carbs, grams of fat, salt content, sugar content, preservatives, additives, vitamins, nutrients, minerals, protein, GI level, slow-release energy and so on and so forth. None of it complementary, and all of it utterly, utterly boring.
I'm completely fed up with these food bores, who drone on and on about the negative calories in a piece of lettuce. The world is becoming food obsessed - you're either too fat or too thin and either way, you need help. And it's not just the ladies who are obsessed with waistlines and calorie-counting. The boys are at it too!
The other day, the beau announced, with great surprise, that ham and cheese pizza was, in fact, loaded with saturated fat.
The beau: This thing has about 20g of saturated fat in it!
Me: Eh.... your point being?
The beau: Well, I had no idea there was that much fat.
Me: Oh, you thought pizza was a health food, did you? Recommended by doctors?
If it tastes nice, of course it's bad for you. What about these bastards who are suing McDonalds because eating three fast food meals a day has made them fat. What the hell is that about? Are you serious? Really, why hasn't someone taken these people out yet. Shit, I'd even pay for the hit. Here's ten quid, go tell those people to stop eating burgers all fucking day long, and then shoot them. Shoot them in their big fat heads. Please and thanks.
If you need to lose weight, then don't bitch and moan about it whilst stuffing that sixteenth slice of choclate cake into your maw. Go to the gym. Swap your McChicken sandwich meal for some fruit and veg. Get your ass up off the sofa and stop being so fucking lazy!!
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