These days, it's not cool to be a consumer. Or, at least, it's not cool to admit to wanting to be a consumer. Nobody doubts the fact that, every now and then, you have to go out and purchase goods and services in order to, you know, survive. But you're not supposed to enjoy it.
Well, I do.
In fact, I love it.
For me, heaven is not a half-pipe. It's wandering up and down the aisles of my local supermarket, breathing in the tantalising aroma of freshly baked bread, breaking out in pleasurable goosebumps in the freezer aisles, marvelling at the colourful array of fruit and vegetables from all over the world, and feeling overwhelmed at the sheer choice of salad dressings.
I know that nowadays we're supposed to support our corner shops, but, to be honest, the corner shop is overpriced and kind of rubbish. They only ever stock one type of bread - the stale, cardboard-type. The fruit and veg always have suspicious looking bruises on them, and look about two days overripe and maggoty. The breakfast cereal boxes have that faded look about them that you know means they've been sitting there for about a hundred and twenty years.
Also, the person behind the counter is usually separated from the rest of the world by an inch-thick plate of bullet-proof glass. And that just doesn't entice me into wanting to buy anything. Call me paranoid, but, if the owners of the shop feel it's necessary to place their employees behind a sheet of reinforced glass, then I don't really want to take my life in my hands by perusing their goods with a pocket full of change. I mean, if they do get robbed, and the guy with the gun can't get through the glass, well, he's not going to want to waste his trip, is he? He'll want some form of recompense, and I don't want to be on the wrong side of the bullet-proof glass when he decides he's not leaving the place empty handed.
The only things corner shops are good for are the types of things you run out of in the middle of the night, and really can't wait 'till morning to get, i.e., cigarettes, alcohol and milk (for making White Russians). Then, and only then, will I go to the corner shop. And then, it's only if I can't find a 24-hour supermarket nearby.
No, I like my supermarkets big, white, clean, air-conditioned and soulless. I like the fact that, no matter which Tescos, Sainsburys or Asda I go into, I know exactly where everything is, as they all have the same layout. And, if for some reason I can't find what I'm looking for, then there are always plenty of clones, I mean, employees about to ask.
I like the fact that, when I go to pay for my groceries, the clone, I mean, checkout person always gives me a big smile, asks if I'd like any help packing my purchases, and says please and thank you as though their life depended on it. Sure, in their minds they're probably thinking of numerous ways to kill themselves if they have to sit at that checkout for one more day, but I dont care. They're not separated from me by a wall of glass that resembles a sneeze guard, and I find that reassuring.
At night, when I'm trying to sleep, I go to my happy place, and it sounds like this: "Beep..... beep......... beep......... clean up in aisle four ..... beep".
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