First up, although we had booked a table for four, and even though the restaurant was only about two thirds full, we were left standing by the door for ten minutes before someone saw fit to seat us at our table.
The table they put us at only had place settings for two people. As we obviously had been sat in the invisible vortex where the waitresses couldn't see us and didn't want to come closer anyway for fear of getting sucked into a black hole (and possibly deposited in... oh, I dont know.... Wigan - a fate worse than death), I had to go and take two sets of cutlery, napkins, glasses, etc. from an empty table nearby.
Eventually, one waitress donned her special specs that allowed her to see the invisible table, and, in spite of the dangerous vortex, decided to grace us with her presence, although you could tell by the grim look on her face that she wasn't happy about it. By the time she came over to tell us the specials, we were clutching our stomachs with hunger. We told her we were ready to order. She took the food order from the couple, then from my ex, and, just as I opened my mouth to speak, she started walking away. Apparently she'd decided that I wasnt eating that night.
My ex called her back over, and she, grudgingly, took my order. I've never met the girl in my life, so I don't know what I'd done to offend her, but when I asked for a glass of water as well, she looked at me with murder in her eyes.
Our food arrived after about half an hour and it was average at best. The waitress didn't clear our table for about another fifteen minutes after we'd finished eating, and we had to wait about twenty minutes for the bill. As I said at the start, the restaurant wasn't that busy, so I can only presume that she'd since lost her bottle and the vortex was proving too scary for her.
When our bill arrived, everyone reached into their pockets, out of habit, to leave the standard tip. But I told them that I refused to tip that cow. The service was abysmal, she was rude to the point of being offensive and the food wasn't up to much either. However, I knew that if we didn't leave a tip, she'd just think that it was because were horrible people, or stingy or something. So we left her a dollar. Enough to let her know that we do understand the concept of tipping, but little enough to let her know what we thought of her waitressing "skills".
Another occasion where you shouldn't tip is when the staff are presumptuous. Once of my brothers told me that he recently went for a business lunch in some trendy restaurant in Dublin. It was in the financial part of the city, and thus was full of wankers in suits. The clientele wasn't much better (boom boom!). Anyhoo, he said the food was excellent and, while the waiters were a bit snooty, they were efficient so he couldn't complain. The bill came to €230, and, as none of the four guys at the table had any small notes, they ended up putting €300 on the table. They sat there, waiting for the waiter to bring back their change so they could leave a tip and go. And they waited. And they waited.
Eventually, one of them nabbed a waiter and asked for the change. He looked at him in astonishment and said, in his snooty voice, "I presumed the €70 was the tip". Needless to say, the boys got their money back and walked out without leaving any tip.
So, having spent three blogs waffling on about it, here are my tips (way hey!) to anyone who's interested or confused about the whole thing:
- If your waitress has been working her butt off for you, leave a generous tip to show your appreciation. It doesnt have to 20% but I think that 15% is a good compromise. If you can afford to eat out, then you can afford to leave a decent tip.
- Don't count out the tip to the last penny. It makes you look like a stingy twat. Round it up to the nearest dollar at least.
- If your waitress has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp and is rude to you, then dont feel obliged to leave a tip. Sure, she's on minimum wage, but she can't expect to make any money by being rude to people.
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